No. Not that. Not the annual goldfish either. Me. Hm. That title isn't great.

My first journal of the new year. Momentous.

I've been writing again recently and its drawing me back in like an old, comfortable sofa with my bodies perfect imprint accepting me back in the way that you slot in the last piece of a puzzle. It's also inspired more reading, which I'll get onto more in a moment. Otherwise i'm just lurking around here on dA, a phantom that takes but does not give. I'm getting a move on looking for work early (now, in fact) for this season, its starting well but we'll see what happens there (other than inevitably dragging me away from writing yet again, like a poor kitten grabbed by the scruff of the neck, reaching to its mother. I'll be sold on to an unloving family. They'll feed me on the cheapest packet of crap and milk me for all I'm worth, then throw me out again when they've had their fill. God I hate work.) not everyones recruiting yet, but considering all the jobs that have been lost in recent times I'm expecting competition to be even more fierce.

So anyway. I just finished reading Black Edelweiss by Johan Voss (psuedonym, real name unknown). It's a terrific read of a member of the Waffen-SS serving in Finland in the latter stages of the second world war, then moved to the western front. The book was written in an american PoW camp in 1946 but only recently published, thereby containing all the youthful freshness without the dry historical hindsight and background knowledge of a later text. The author does an excellent job of gaining empathy and really made me feel a sense of frustration at the depiction of the SS (and german soldiers in general) both then and now. The book really gives an insight into a different world and the authors developing opinions as his war experience progresses tells alot about the German soldier of the time. The most important point I picked up on personally was a regular referral to the lack of choice on wether to fight or surrender. Not because of the Nazi institution but because of the Allies declaration on requiring unconditional surrender. This gave the author at least a resolve to keep on fighting without complaint, since surrender at this point couldn't save them a thing. I've read more on the Allies demand for unconditional surrender recently but Johan Voss' opinion tells more than any historians politicking could.

Anyway, I could keep going but I won't. I seem to be becoming obsessed with the second world war, but I'm moving on from simple tactics and battles to really understanding what was going on. Lets leave it at that before I get boring again.